With a lighter emotional load to carry, dealing with people becomes much easier. Not only because you have the wherewithal to deal with your own stuff, but you understand how it’s impacted your own life. With that extra space you create a new level of understanding and compassion for the human experience.
You learn to set your own boundaries to protect your energy and learn to honor it to a better degree. You learn a new way to relate to people better because there is less judgement. When you open the space to see and experience an emotion for what it is, there’s less room for projections and truly see situations and people for what they are in the moment. There is a presence that’s possible for you to simply show up and meet people where they are instead of projecting your own prejudices or projections on people. And not to say they don’t exist anymore, but you are able to see them and then dig into why you are doing what you’re doing. This has allowed me to open up and receive a new set of tools to operate in the world.
‘But how does this really work?’ is likely what you’re asking, so let’s go back to the chakras to explain. Remember I mentioned there are 7 main chakras and they function as energy centers for our bodies, which extend out to our overall energy field. When something is “off” with a chakra, it will appear in a certain way depending on which chakra(s) is/are involved. Our 2 lower chakras are related to some of the following: safety, survival, fear, stability, desires and relationships. So imagine a string of 7 lights running along your spine up to the top of your head (the chakras run the length of your spine, lower sacral region to the top of your head) and imagine the lights needing to be clean and bright to run your energy field effectively (working from the bottom up), kinda like solar power producing electricity with the sun. Now imagine the string of lights with clouds and surrounded by gunk. Dim light...maybe some power…not operating effectively across all areas..higher chakras in the chain not seeing the light of day or allowed to do their work.
How can that show up in one’s life? I used to be willing to carry a grudge to the grave. If I found a “good” reason to pass a strong enough judgement, then it was over. I wrote people off and didn’t really see a problem with it. But I also bent over backwards for lots of people when I shouldn’t have because I thought that’s what I had to do to get them to like me, maintain a friendship, or help me. My presence, on its own, wasn’t enough in my mind. I lived in fear of so many things that prevented me from meeting good people, seeing people for who they really were, learning who I really am, and kept me restricted from opportunities.
Doesn’t sound very appealing does it? I admit it wasn’t to be living it either. I can actually think of a few examples of where I was more comfortable letting others’ opinions casually become mine and then when being forced into a situation, really seeing what I was missing out on (sometimes for years) because I was afraid to have my own opinion, which may have been different from what others wanted me to have. Stick with the norm, stay in the lines, be someone else’s version of safe…
I’m finding a way to be there for others in a way that I couldn’t before because I wasn’t fully present for myself. Coming from a place of love, compassion, and empathy were not things I really knew how to do and they certainly aren’t things we are taught in school or throughout life if we aren’t intentional about it. Learning these things for myself first, being forgiving and giving myself permission to be and show up for myself helps to understand how it can be for others and then to do that for them.
We are taught from the earliest of ages to live conditionally and to earn love, attention, acknowledgement. Then we figure out all sorts of creative ways to contort ourselves to cater to many versions of ourselves we’ve created over time, to different groups, and may lose who we are in the process due to fear or a lack of knowing that an inquiry into this behavior and it’s roots is possible (this has a lot to do with mindset, which comes next).
My lights were dim and blocking all of the other lights from receiving what they needed to perform. Now, however, my lights have power! And when a little gunk is there I don’t freak out, I inquire and deal with it. Don’t get me wrong because I’m not saying I have all of the answers, but it’s been a great process to see how this stuff works! I show up for myself, then for others, then they show up for me, and then new people show up...it’s pretty neat!
Do you have an experience where you've noticed a change in how you relate to others? How has this made an impact in your life? What about for others?